Dreaming Big In The Big World

Few days ago I was feeling a little low. I got myself some reality check and didn't like how it made me feel. A friend in college called me up couple of nights ago and we were talking about how life has treated us and some of our friends. It's been long since we've seen each other since I relocated myself here in Manila. I've lived most of my life in the city of Cebu.

I remember in our 4th year in college, though not knowing what lies ahead, we asked each other what we would want to be few years after our graduation. Like among the others I also enthusiastically shared that I want to find myself successful like the rest. Although the path wasn't crystal clear, I planned to excel in the field of Human Relations. Further studies in Psychology or give Law a shot also were some of the few I lined up for me after that door to the outside world would open. Since I was in the seminary for eight long but memorable years, the "door to the outside world" was meant literally. With those mentioned, I put on my toga and marched to my college graduation beaming with confidence and pride because the best things were just waiting for me outside those walls...so I thought.

After that conversation with my friend Aldwin, who is currently a professor in literature back home and is currently taking his PHd, the world seemed to have stopped for awhile for me. I asked myself where I am right now with those plans. And the answer made me sit back and stare blankly at the wall for a moment which seemed like eternity. The fact that I am nowhere close to achieving any of the goals I set myself years back made me worry. That moment I really felt like a failure. Was I just wasting the years that passed or did I just let the wind blow me where it wants me to be?

I am currently working in the call center. And I have worked for five call centers here in Manila for the past, what, five years? So the person I see right now in front of the mirror is definitely not the person I thought I would be. I'm not doing HR works and not even making Pleadings or attending hearings (well occasionally I attend hearings for the sole reason of being with my girlfriend who is a lawyer).

So do I have any regrets? Probably. But that doesn't mean I'm not at all proud of what I've achieved for the past years. I definitely have literally shed blood and tears just to get to where I am right now. I can even feel and enjoy it looking at my current payslip. So I realized that I should not feel bad. My "change of path" shouldn't be thought of as a failure. The challenges and hurdles I've gone through and survived definitely made me a stronger person that I am now. My strengths are all clear to me and I have worked to improve myself in areas where my weaknesses reside.

The proud and confident Cebuano who used to have big dreams back in his hometown is now in Manila with bigger and clearer dreams to make it here.

But what made me change path? Am I going for a mediocre dream?

I doubt it. I noticed that the plans I had for myself was all about me. But as I matured, I realized that they won't make me happier since I won't be able to share it with the people I hold dear. The plans I have right now includes those special few. So I'm gunning for bigger plans...bigger dreams!

Let me end this with a something I read from DJ Chico Garcia's blog by Kaboosh22; Life is good when you’re happy & blessed. But life is at its best when other people are happy & blessed because of you.