Dreaming Big In The Big World

Few days ago I was feeling a little low. I got myself some reality check and didn't like how it made me feel. A friend in college called me up couple of nights ago and we were talking about how life has treated us and some of our friends. It's been long since we've seen each other since I relocated myself here in Manila. I've lived most of my life in the city of Cebu.

I remember in our 4th year in college, though not knowing what lies ahead, we asked each other what we would want to be few years after our graduation. Like among the others I also enthusiastically shared that I want to find myself successful like the rest. Although the path wasn't crystal clear, I planned to excel in the field of Human Relations. Further studies in Psychology or give Law a shot also were some of the few I lined up for me after that door to the outside world would open. Since I was in the seminary for eight long but memorable years, the "door to the outside world" was meant literally. With those mentioned, I put on my toga and marched to my college graduation beaming with confidence and pride because the best things were just waiting for me outside those walls...so I thought.

After that conversation with my friend Aldwin, who is currently a professor in literature back home and is currently taking his PHd, the world seemed to have stopped for awhile for me. I asked myself where I am right now with those plans. And the answer made me sit back and stare blankly at the wall for a moment which seemed like eternity. The fact that I am nowhere close to achieving any of the goals I set myself years back made me worry. That moment I really felt like a failure. Was I just wasting the years that passed or did I just let the wind blow me where it wants me to be?

I am currently working in the call center. And I have worked for five call centers here in Manila for the past, what, five years? So the person I see right now in front of the mirror is definitely not the person I thought I would be. I'm not doing HR works and not even making Pleadings or attending hearings (well occasionally I attend hearings for the sole reason of being with my girlfriend who is a lawyer).

So do I have any regrets? Probably. But that doesn't mean I'm not at all proud of what I've achieved for the past years. I definitely have literally shed blood and tears just to get to where I am right now. I can even feel and enjoy it looking at my current payslip. So I realized that I should not feel bad. My "change of path" shouldn't be thought of as a failure. The challenges and hurdles I've gone through and survived definitely made me a stronger person that I am now. My strengths are all clear to me and I have worked to improve myself in areas where my weaknesses reside.

The proud and confident Cebuano who used to have big dreams back in his hometown is now in Manila with bigger and clearer dreams to make it here.

But what made me change path? Am I going for a mediocre dream?

I doubt it. I noticed that the plans I had for myself was all about me. But as I matured, I realized that they won't make me happier since I won't be able to share it with the people I hold dear. The plans I have right now includes those special few. So I'm gunning for bigger plans...bigger dreams!

Let me end this with a something I read from DJ Chico Garcia's blog by Kaboosh22; Life is good when you’re happy & blessed. But life is at its best when other people are happy & blessed because of you.

Pacquiao And Hatton Showdown Hazy

It’s all about the money. Or is it?

No, I’m not saying both parties are just concern about who get the better cut of the deal. It might appear to be so but I give them the benefit. Local, and even international, papers have got their eyes on this Dream Match(?). (Some boxing fans, and experts, are still doubtful whether Manny Paquiao’s win over the legendary Oscar “Golden Boy” dela Hoya was convincing or just “staged” to increase Manny’s “market value”.)

However, reports (courtesy of Philstar.com) disclosed that “Hatton’s group has been insisting on a 50-50 split on all revenues generated by the proposed fight in Las Vegas, Nevada on May 2 while Pacquiao’s camp wants 60-40 in his favor.” Now apparently, it didn’t get a nod from the world number one pound-for-pound boxer’s camp.

I am no expert in this sport but however you look at it, if you’re on Manny’s side, you might find the proposed split to be ridiculous. I mean, common, it’s the Pacman he plans to face (and even claimed to stop the Pacman’s reign in this sport).

Because of this development Pacquiao’s camp was so adamant that it threatened to abandon the Hatton bout in favor of a fight either against Venezuelan knockout artist Edwin Valero or the retired Floyd Mayweather Jr. Well, whoever Manny fights will surely be in for a tough fight. It has been prove that our “Pambansang Kamao” just won’t fold that easy. Well, as long as it’s not Jinky, the wife, he’ll be facing with. (not to mention Ara Mina or Christine Reyes, just kidding).

Now, who’s up for the challenge?

Fallen or Not

This is one of the things I learned from the sequel Fallen, which I watched last night. The idea really got me interested and so I watched it to its end. I only got the season one copy and am not sure if season two is already out. Well, I'm not really that eager to watch the second season since I believe I had my fill of it.

As implied in the movie, it was believed that after the Great Battle in heaven, when Lucifer and his army of angels got defeated by the Creator's Army of Angels, they were banned from paradise. Most of the banned angels left Lucifer and dwelled on earth with the humans. They were tagged as the Fallens. Then for some reason, a group of angels from heaven are sent to earth to hunt down these Fallens. But strangely enough, a prophecy has it that an offspring of a fallen and a human being will redeem the fallen and bring them back to paradise. This Redeemer will have the power to absolve every sin as long as it sees that soul, angel or not, worthy of redemption. money

I don't want to spoil the fun for those who haven't seen this movie yet so I'll just tell you what I picked up from it. The idea of an angel amongst us already got me glued to the movie. I wanted to know how they would portray angels in our world. I wanted to know how they would show who envies who. I have this idea that though we all wanted to be angels in some occasions, angels strangely would give up their "angelhood" to be like us.

I strongly believe angels are curious how we manage to still stand after every fall. How we pick up ourselves and move on. How, at one point, we love like there's no tomorrow and suddenly get hurt, cry and morn over our lost love, and then eventually love again. I believe they want to know how it is to do something you want badly and yet be given forgiveness if we screw up big time if we are sorry of it. Or simply on how we work hard for something we want in spite of the struggles.

Still I believe there are angels amongst usâ?¦no, let me rephrase it. I believe we are Nephilims.

JUST A THOUGHT, REALLY

Staring perplexedly at the laptop and almost piercing
Words searched to depict the thoughts and emotions in play
Not knowing which to bring into the world
Yield them vulnerable to ridicule
Surely it will face the same faith as the others
Taken for everything else but its own gist
Stripped and beaten in a crowd
Confused how they could have taken them differently
Or are they really what they utter they are?
Is it perspective which gave birth to confusion?
How would I know?
Or should I care?
I can spare some exceptions
But I am not really feeling good about this
Worry is something I just can't take no notice of
So worried shall I be then
A lot of things to say now but will rather not
Keep these for myself is what I'll do
Just let time unfold what needs be
Or perhaps what needs be might never be